Where Did You Go?

There is something about friendship that baffles me and has been festering inside me for some time now.

Why don’t we fight for our friendships the way we do for our marriages, our significant others, our family?

In a marriage or romantic relationship, we argue, we disagree, we show our worst side of ourselves at times. But in the end, we stand strong. We talk it out, apologize, and move on. We do this with family too. We put up with so much and would NEVER imagine losing that person. We stand next to each other through thick and thin never questioning if there is an expiration date to this relationship.

How often have you thrown away a friendship over a miscommunication, disagreement, or have you lost a friendship and you are still reeling trying to figure out how the whole dang thing went awry? Have you avoided a direct conversation? Have you kept your hurt feelings and emotions to yourself instead of expressing to your friend how you feel? Have you written a narrative in your head about how you believe your friend to be feeling and acted upon that without fact or giving them a chance to clarify, apologize, or validate it? I have done all of these at one time or another.

Why can friendships be so disposable? And I’m not talking about the friend you casually meet for coffee or a pedi once in awhile. I’m talking about the friends you feel are FAMILY. The friends you see in your life forever like a blood relative. Your ride or die’s. The one’s you let into your deepest and darkest moments. The ones that carry you when you need to be carried. The ones that you carry when they need to be carried. The ones that you would walk through fire for.

I know, I know, things change. People change. And can I tell you, I HATE CHANGE! I can throw mantras and quotes at you about how people come in and out of our lives and friendships can be seasonal, blah, blah, blah. But really, are you okay with that? I’m not. I’m not okay with that when we are talking about our friends that are family. Our tribe.

At the very least, if in fact we have come to a crossroads that our season must end, I want to know that I have put everything out there. Everything on the table. And that they have too. This will leave me knowing we did all we could. We shared our hearts and hurts. And maybe changes affected our friendship or a change is what we need. But we can walk away with some sort of semblance of closure.